Got these from a friend – some’s a bit quirky, but a little funny.
1. I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
2. Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
3. The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
4. Never take life seriously Nobody gets out alive anyway.
5. There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead..
6. Life is sexually transmitted.
7. Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
8. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
9. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
10. Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
11. Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again
12. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
13. In the 60′s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
14. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
15. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, ‘I think I’ll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?’
16. Who was the first person to say, ‘See that chicken there? I’m going to eat the next thing that comes out of its butt.’
17. Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
18. If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
19. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
20. Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
Just a simply guy who sees goodness in most and constantly in search of all that is beautiful, good, and true. I have very few hangups, save the fact that I am fiercely intolerant of BS and people who deal in delusions. I consider myself unselfish, always ready to give a hand when I see the need. I am also equally unforgiving of those who take advantage of the goodness of others. Learning is a passion of mine. My primary field is Mathematics, but my passion goes well beyond that. I read a great deal, I also enjoy Philosophy, History, Computing/Technology and Contemporary World Affairs (mainly Politico-Military). I am pretty guarded with my privacy, but you can learn more about me by hitting the button at the top - "All About Me" and you can hit me up on Skype...my username is "Rupdawg" or check me out at any of my Social links under "Don't Stalk Me" below.
